It was during the 6-Day conference last summer (2008) when we all gathered around the Camp Houston fire pit for a spiritual gifts service. The Reverend Doctor Marda Steedman-Sanborn led us in a spiritual gifts service. The theme for the week was "Episcopal University," and we were celebrating Pentecost on our first full day of camp. Marda talked about the gifts of the spirit, or "charismata." Gifts like teaching, healing, and giving are given to us by God in order to strengthen the church and the world.
She listed more than ten of these gifts, explaining the significance and practical applications of each. With every gift, we were given the opportunity to stand up, and walk down to be blessed with holy oils by Reverend Ken Grabinski (more affectionately known as Deacon Dad), Reverend Pete Van Zanten (PVZ), Bishop Bavi "Nedi" Rivera, and Marda. I was moved when I saw youth and staff alike beckoned to stand up for gifts which they were, perhaps, too modest to publicly recognize. It was one of those moments where the hair on your arms stands on end, and a chill of intense joy passes down your spine.
Finally, Marda asked us to close our eyes. She said something like "this next gift is a very serious one. Few people feel this call, and even fewer answer it. The last gift of the spirit is for ministry. If you have felt, or are feeling a calling to ministry, to serving God as a pastor or spiritual leader, please open your eyes, stand up, and walk down to be blessed."
At this point I had no control of my body. I felt one with God, and I wouldn't realize it until later, but God was calling me to ministry.
Much like a traumatic event takes time for the inflicted to process, I would not fully understand this event for another three months. But this 2x4 left a bruise on my soul, and God had some plans for me. I practically ignored the call until I was back in Pullman after a long summer of working as a service assistant at the Old Spaghetti Factory. To say I didn't think about the event at all would be a gross exaggeration, but the idea of pushing aside my plans for grad school and an English Doctorate to go into ministry seemed like more of a pipe dream than anything else. I continued to reflect on my plans for the rest of the summer and kept the experience to myself.
I remember having stronger feelings that it might be a calling during the Good Shepherd Youth Mission Trip to Vernonia, Oregon, where we helped some people recover from flood damage. On this trip I got to know our new Priest, Tom, a little better. I left for Pullman soon after the trip, and a week or so later I found myself bursting with anxiety. I wanted to tell everybody I knew and loved that I was thinking about ministry. For some, unclear reason, I started with two of my new classes to practice saying it out loud. We were introducing ourselves to the class, and I told everyone I was thinking about ordination.
One night that week, I was at Rico's Public House with my roommate Kevin. In our conversation, I told him about the possibility of ministry in my future. Then I told a close friend of the family, Rosie, that it was a sure thing. Finally, in a conversation with Danielle, the youth leader at good shepherd, I slyly said that there was a chance I would be returning home instead of continuing on for graduate school. "I'm thinking about ordination," I said. Her response could only be characterized as: ecstatic.
"Oh my gosh Curt!...(shrieks of excitement)...I have to tell you something!"
As I drove from class to the post office, she told me how she and Father Tom had been talking about me after the mission trip. Out of the blue, he said "that Farr, he would make a good priest. I think he's going to be a priest some day."
Another 2x4.
We talked a bit more, but as I went on with my day and my week, I kept thinking about Tom's observation. God was forcing me to face this call head-on. I needed to move on to the next step--no more keeping it inside. I emailed Tom and he responded with a "PRAISE THE LORD!" I had a few days to compute the implications of my decision to take God's call before I called my parents.
I told my mom first, then my dad. They were supportive, as usual. Mom said she'd pray for me. Dad said he was proud. They both said they would have Nate call when he got home. When he did, they said "Go call your brother, he has some news." He took a shower and called me. I told him I was going to be a priest. He wasn't surprised.
"I was in the shower, thinking 'what could Curt's news be...he's going to be a priest.'" My older brother Nate, with whom I've talked about my faith only one or two times, saw that possibility...and it only took a couple minutes!
Another 2x4.
Now that my immediate family knew, it was time to tell my other friends and extended family. I contacted them by various means, but for my mothers family I felt that I should craft my announcement carefully. I decided to collect their email addresses and compose a letter that ease them into the idea. I wrongfully assumed that they're conservative leanings would keep them from giving their support to me. I thought that the progressive nature of the Episcopal church would make them feel that I was going against God, but as the replies came in, I found that they supported me and would be praying for my discernment.
This time the 2x4 left me stupefied. I had found solid support in what I ignorantly thought was an unlikely place. This very minute as I think about my family, specifically my grandparents, I realize that they were supporting me for ministry all along. They had always told me to recognize the talents that God gave me, and to use them for the glory of God.
Aha! Spiritual gifts...another 2x4...
"It was [Christ] who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, to prepare God's people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up" (Ephesians 4:12).